I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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