ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
