i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
