I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
