clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
