Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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