me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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