I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
