I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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