vagina is talking i cant
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize