She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
