Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
