just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize