I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
