imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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