I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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