I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
