Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
