i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
