so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
