We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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