mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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