I want to have your abortion
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
