I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
