either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
