I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
pray to the hookup gods
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
