Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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