so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
