halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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