We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
