I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
