Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
