Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
