Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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