you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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