I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
