I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
