we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
