They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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