Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your penis caused this!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
