so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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