He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
