When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love having hate sex.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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