It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
