I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
