look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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