you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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