Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
