I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize