hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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