I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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