Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize