moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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