I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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