I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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