I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
