gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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