Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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