I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
