When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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