I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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