The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
