yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
