i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
