This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
