I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
