Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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