i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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