According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
