So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
