living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
