Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
