Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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