My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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