If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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