You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
