Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
