I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
