is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
