marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So squirting runs in the family.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
