Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
