you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
