im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
