pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
