I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
