A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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