do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize