I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
