Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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