It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
