sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
