i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
