So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have tasted many bathrooms
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
