There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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