This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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