So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
