We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize