I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
