Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
