Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
