I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
