Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
