peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
