apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
