Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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