Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
